Hearts Series
by Fulinn28
Summary: Sam makes a major life decision without Jacks input
1. Broken Hearts

Title: Broken Hearts

Author: fulinn28

E-mail: fulinn28@ficwithfins.com

Website: www.ficwithfins.com 

Rating: PG

Pairings: Sam and Jack

Category: Angst and ship

Season: AU

Content Warnings: Contemplation of abortion. No Details.

Summary: Sam's decisions leave a trail of broken hearts.

Spoilers: "A Hundred Days", "Solitudes" and "Children of the Gods", "Matter of Time" and "Cold Lazarus"

Status: part 1 of 3

Sequel / Series:  "Broken Hearts pt 1", "Mended Hearts pt 2" and "Soaring Hearts pt 3"

Size: 

Disclaimer: "All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author."

Copyright: (c) 2004 bonnie rose

Authors Notes: All feedback is welcome and will be answered.  Thank you to Su Freund, the best beta I could ask for, this story is so much better for her efforts and suggestions.  All remaining errors are mine and mine alone.

**Chapter 1 Broken Hearts**

****

Up and down the grocery store aisles Sam wondered with her cart.  As she tried to find the shampoo that Jack liked so much. She noticed a woman coming down the aisle surrounded by kids! For cryin' out loud, had this woman heard of birth control?  Sam stared at her covertly, the woman was pregnant, had a little one in the cart seat and a third by the hand.  Sam shook her head, sure she wanted a family one day, but right now things were pretty much where she wanted them; a career with few limitations and a wonderful lover, even if they did have to keep their affair quite at the moment.

Aha! There was the shampoo, the last one on the shelf. Sam made her way to the checkout as quickly as she could.  She had plans for tonight; it was her and Jack's one year anniversary.

*** Two Months Later ***

Sam sat in the bathroom staring at the little blue stick.  How could this have happened to her?  Her hand continued to shake as she contemplated all the things this would mean: no gate travel; no working till all hours; a tremendous responsibility that would be hers alone to face; the looks from her co-workers; and, not the least of her problems, the father.

Sam thought about that one for a moment; her career in ruins and probably a court martial for the father.  Since the child would need it's mother, she would probably get a letter of reprimand in her file and possibly a demotion, but would not face a court martial. The tears slowly trailed down over her cheeks, dropping onto her quivering hands.

Abruptly she rose from her seat on top of the commode, tossing the offending test stick into the closest trashcan.  Take control Sam, she admonished herself, you're a major in the United States Air Force!

She had to get some advice, and her first thought was to call Janet. Not only was she Sam's closest friend but also a medical doctor.  She picked up the phone hitting speed dial number two.

Sam sat on her bed waiting for Janet to answer the phone; finally she heard her friend's voice.

"Hello?" Janet answered, her attention split between the phone and her daughter Cassie, who was arguing with the TV. Janet sighed and thought, not for the first time that Cassie was spending way too much time with one Colonel Jack O'Neill.  Bringing her attention back to the phone she repeated herself "Hello?  Is anyone there?"

"Janet?" came the soft response "I'm in some trouble, can you come over?"

For a moment Janet hesitated. In all of the years she'd known Sam, she had never heard her so uncertain and lost, except when Col. O'Neill had been lost on Edora.

"Sam, honey," Janet said quietly but firmly "what's happened?"

"Please, Janet. I can't talk to you about it on the phone.  I really, really, need your help." Sam pleaded.  She hated the pleading tone in her voice, but her trembling tear strained vocal chords could offer nothing more.

"Ok, Sam.  I'm on my way over.  I'll see you in about twenty minutes. Ok?" Janet asked needing to hear Sam confirm that she understood that Janet was coming; help was on the way.

"I'll be here, Janet and thanks. I know I'm pulling you way from Cassie." Sam breathed a sigh of relief that her friend was on the way.

Quickly Janet explained to Cassie that Sam wanted some girl talk.  Cassie immediately wanted to come along as well. Now that she was fourteen she could relate to many of the grownup girl talk issues.  However Janet nixed that idea quickly, explaining that Sam had asked for only her.

Janet was out the door and in her car as fast as she could manage, her mind turning over all the different circumstances that she could think of.  The most obvious one, of course, was the very quite, very discreet affair that Sam was involved in.  Although nothing had been said, Janet was well aware that her friend had crossed "the line" with her commanding officer.  As far as Janet and the rest of SG-1 were concerned, they couldn't be happier for their friends.  Both Sam and Jack had never appeared happier or more content than during the last year.  

Now, Janet mused, had Jack left Sam, telling her it was for her own good?  That Sam should move on to someone more her age and with similar interests.  Well, Janet thought, I'll know soon enough and I'll be there for Sam no matter what.

"Well," Janet muttered out loud "if he'd done anything to hurt her I'll make him sorry!  I have a supply of very large needles in the infirmary and they have his name on them!" She smirked. 

Soon, Janet pulled into Sam's driveway noting that only a very faint light showed out the living room window.  Janet walked up the sidewalk, raising her hand to knock, only to have Sam open the door before she had a chance to announce her arrival.

Observing the bloodshot eyes and red nose, Janet followed her first impulse and pulled Sam into a tight hug.  Sam returned the hug, grateful for Janet's friendship and unquestioning support.

"Come on in." Sam invited. 

Both women took a seat on the couch in the living room, facing each other, a drawn out pause lingering between them.  Janet bit her tongue, wanting to let Sam proceed at her own pace. 

With a deep quivering breath, Sam announced "I'm pregnant." The statement, made so abruptly with little emotion startled Janet. 

"Well" Sam challenged   "aren't you going to say something?  Like how stupid am I?  How I should have known better?  How could I do something so dumb?"  Sam paused to catch her breath, looking at Janet.

Janet just shook her head, "I think you've already said those things enough. Come here." She held her arms out, inviting Sam into a hug which she gratefully accepted. For a while, the only sounds in the room were Sam's sobs, and Janet's gentle, nonsense words of comfort.

The clocked ticked and time passed. Eventually Sam sat back, wiping her eyes.  She rose, walking into the bathroom to wash her face.  Then, she returned to the living room to deal with Janet.

"What am I going to do?" Sam sighed as she began twisting the life out of the Kleenex she still held in her hand.

Janet paused, and then decided that asking the obvious was the way to go. "Well, have you told the father yet?" Janet waited, thinking how thrilled Jack would be to have a second chance at fatherhood. 

"No, I can't tell him."  Sam sighed softy.

"Why?" Janet pressed. How could Sam not be going to tell him?

"It's my problem.  I'll solve it." Sam stated coolly.

"Sam, that's not fair. He has a right to know that he helped bring a baby into this relationship." Janet argued.

"No, the mistake was mine.  I should have been more careful. I was banking on the medical tests saying I couldn't get pregnant.  I told him I'd taken care of the birth control. He believed me."  Softly Sam began to cry again. "How can there be any tears left? I feel like I've done nothing but cry since I found out."

"Sam, no matter what, he has the right to know.  Sam, do I know the father?"  Janet asked trying to get the information she needed without asking directly.  If she asked directly she would be duty bound to report it.

"Yes, you know him." Sam stated softly. 

"So, if you aren't going to tell him, what are you going to do?  Sam, if you're thinking of terminating this pregnancy the earlier you do it the better it will be for your health."  Janet's heart sank as she thought of Sam aborting this child.  If Sam could just get past her panic, the life growing within her might just have a chance; certainly the father would welcome the opportunity to have another child in his life.

"Can you do the procedure?" she whispered, broken hearted.

"I could, but I think you should use a doctor who does them on a regular basis.  If I do it for you I'd have to report it and it would be entered on your records." Janet replied with a shake of her head. "Sam, you need to take your time, make sure of what you're doing."

"I know Janet. It's all I've been thinking of since I found out." Sam said, getting up to pace around the room. "It's the right thing, I know it is." Sam stated defiantly. "I've made up my mind. I'm going to end my affair with the baby's father tonight. Tomorrow I'll take care of the problem and life will get back to normal."

"Sam!  Stop it, now!" Janet yelled "you are making these decisions in a hurry, you are not thinking clearly.  It will make no difference if you wait a week and think it through.  You are doing the father a grave injustice by not telling him, and giving him a say in the outcome of the life of his child."

"Thank you, Janet," Sam replied in a cold flat voice, the warmth gone "but my decision has been made."

Janet frowned, "Ok, Sam, if you're absolutely sure I'll give you the name of a good reputable doctor."  Finding a pencil and pad of paper, Janet wrote down the name and phone number of a friend of hers.  Dr. Brown would do a good, safe procedure if necessary but he believed very deeply in counseling the woman who came to him for abortions, maybe this would give Sam another opportunity to consider her actions.

Slowly Janet stood up, gathering her coat and purse up for the return trip home.  She knew that she had been dismissed from Sam's decision making process.  Sam showed her to the door, giving her a perfunctory hug, before firmly closing it behind her. 

In contrast to the trip to Sam's, Janet took the long way home, broken hearted for her friends and the unborn child.  In her mind, Janet allowed her self to think of the pain this decision was going to create.  Jack was going to lose his relationship with Sam tonight without knowing why. If Janet had to guess, the news would be delivered with the same cold flat tones that Janet had been dismissed with.  

What would Jack do? How would he react if Sam decides to tell him the reason for ending the relationship?  Once again, there would be nothing he could do to protect a child of his from dying before it had a real chance at life.  Somehow, Janet doubted that Jack would be able to recover from the loss of a second child, even with all the support his friends would offer him.  And Sam, Janet thought, Sam was going to need a tremendous amount of emotional support considering her loss of both the child and its father, even though it was her decisions that led to the loss.

Eventually, Janet reached home.  She parked her car, entering the house through the side door, into the light and warmth of her home, and the welcoming hug of her daughter.  Cassie looked up as her mom entered the house tears sliding down her face; she rose quickly offering her mom a hug.

"Mom? What's happened?  Is Sam ok?"  Cassie asked fearfully.  All of SG-1 was considered family and if something was wrong with one of them, it hurt them all.

Janet took a deep breath "Yes, honey, Sam is ok.  She had a very important decision to make and wanted to talk it over with me.  We discussed it, and she was able to make a decision."

Cassie studied her mom's face "Can you tell me what it was?"

"No, Cassie I can't. It is a very private decision, not one for general discussion." Janet gentled squeezed Cassie's shoulder. "Come on hon, let's sit down together, and watch some TV."

Later that night, Cassie lay broken hearted in her bed, tears sliding down her face.  Although her mom would not tell her what had happened, except to say that all of Cassie's extended family was ok; Cassie continued to worry over Sam. What could have happened that her mom would come home in tears and not be able to discuss it with her?

*** Sam's House that Night ***

Jack arrived on time at Sam's front door, in answer to a summons he'd received by phone earlier in the evening.  Sam had sounded odd, cold even, and he had worried over it in the intervening hours.  The door was opened before he could knock, and he stepped into the front hall, leaning forward to give Sam a kiss, only to have her turn and walk away from him.

Sam entered her living room, knowing that Jack would follow her.  Slowly she turned towards him, and said "We're done, Jack it's all over."

Jack closed his eyes, the pain in his broken heart overwhelming him. "Why," he asked "what have I done wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just that I've been doing a lot of thinking and you were right.  Remember that conversation we had just before we started sleeping together? You know, the one where we talked about all the reasons this affair should not be started?" Sam asked, deliberately making the affair sound dirty and unworthy.

"Yes, of course I remember it." Jack responded, his voice giving up the hurt he was feeling.

"Well, you were right.  My attraction to you was just a passing fancy.  Our age difference and lack of common interests are just too large to ignore.  I want more than you can give me." Sam declared flatly with no regard for Jack's feelings.

Jack stood still, aware that in the space of twenty minutes his whole world had come crashing down around his ears.  He stared at his lover, frightened, as his heart simply stopped beating. How could she be doing this to him, not even giving him a chance?

The truth hurt he supposed, for all she said was true and should not have come as a surprise.  He was too old for her, at the end of his career; certainly not a great candidate for a lover or a husband.

"Sam, please what has brought this on?  How can we go from a happy couple two days ago to this?" Jack pleaded with Sam.

Coldly Sam looked at Jack. "Happy?  I guess you might have been happy, but I wasn't.  I knew months ago that this wasn't what I wanted; I just hadn't decided to end the relationship yet. Now I have."

Jack let his gaze wonder about the house, trying to come up with a reasonable argument to give her, yet nothing came to mind. It was over.  Yet again he had somehow screwed up the best thing in his life.  He took a deep breath and walked toward the front door knocking a pad of paper to the floor.  As he bent to pick it, he absently read the information written on the page.

The next morning Sam walked out of her house, to face the future alone.  So many broken hearts created by a single decision.

Continued in "Mended Hearts" part 2 


	2. Mended Hearts

Title: Mended Hearts

Author: fulinn28

E-mail: fulinn28@ficwithfins.com

Website: www.ficwithfins.com 

Rating: PG

Pairings: Sam and Jack

Category: Angst and ship

Season: AU

Content Warnings: Contemplation of abortion. No Details.

Summary: Sam's decisions leave a trail of broken hearts.

Spoilers: "A Hundred Days", "Solitudes" and "Children of the Gods", "Matter of Time" and "Cold Lazarus"

Status: part 2 of 3

Sequel / Series: :  "Broken Hearts", "Mended Hearts" and "Soaring Hearts"

Size: 

Disclaimer: "All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author."

Copyright: (c) 2004 bonnie rose

Authors Notes: All feedback is welcome and will be answered.  Thank you to Su Freund, the best beta I could ask for, this story is so much better for her efforts and suggestions.  All remaining errors are mine and mine alone.

**Chapter 2 Mended Hearts**

*** One week later, Dr. Browns office ***

This past week had been one of the worst that Jack could remember.  He had jumped at the chance to spend the week working at the Alpha Site; each time he visited, it grew  on him more. Absently he wondered if it was time it had a full time commander. He and Sam had maintained a cool, polite attitude towards each other, the few times they had been together. He had spent a great deal of time trying to find a solution, one that could work for both of them.  Finally towards the end of his mission, he had an inspiration and a plan came together for him.

Jack sat in his truck watching the front door of the office building.  The building housed a series of doctors' offices and he knew that Sam had gone in to Dr. Brown's office, an OB/GYN.  Luckily for him he had read the slip of paper where Sam had jotted down the time/date of her appointment. How could she want to terminate the pregnancy, kill their child? His heart truly ached with the thought of losing yet another child

He exited the truck, walking into the office of Dr. Brown.  Looking around at the bright and cheery office he saw Sam sitting alone, even among the other mothers to be, in the waiting area.  Jack walked over to the receptionist, identifying himself as the "partner" of Ms. Carter.  Producing his credit card he asked that any medical expenses be charged to his account. She blinked, asking if he realized that it could amount to a little less than $5,000.00. Jack looked at her in annoyance, "I said use the card to cover the expenses!" 

The woman behind the window nodded sadly, knowing that this patient had come in for abortion counseling. Funny, she thought, the guy who got Ms. Carter "knocked up" as the saying went, didn't look happy to be here.  Humph, Ms. Carter must have made him come to the appointment, the rat!

Jack walked quietly over to the seat beside Sam and, sitting down with quiet grace, he laced his fingers through Sam's.

"What are you doing here?  How did you find me?" Sam asked, her voice trembling with fatigue. She had not slept well following their confrontation or, in reality, the rest of the week.  The haunted look of pain on Jack's face, the slump of rejection in his step as he had left her house that night had twisted the knife in her heart, made worse by the fact that she was the cause of that pain.

Jack stared at her, trying to keep his anger and disappointment under control, then said "I saw the information on your phone pad. You… You…You … planned to do all this without a word to me? Why, Sam?  I love you! You know this; I told you every chance you gave me.  Did you think I wouldn't want a child?" His voice had started out a quiet murmur, but had risen as his emotions had got the better of him. "I understand that this will prevent you from carrying out some of your duties but only for limited time.  Lab work won't compromise your chance of promotion." Jack fell silent, and then ever so softly that it barely registered as a whisper, he said, "Unless, what you said was true. You really don't love me?  I was, in fact, nothing but a passing infatuation?"  Jack stared at her his anger giving way to a deep sadness.

"Sam, I have an option for you. Please just listen to me. I don't believe for one minute that you want to kill our child. However I do understand your sense of panic. This pregnancy is not occurring at a time that fits into your life. So, here's what we can do. You agree to carry this child till birth, and then, through a private adoption, you allow me to adopt him.  I'll retire, head to Minnesota with our child. You don't have to name a father, no one gets hurt. You might get a letter unbecoming an officer, but hell, I've got them, and my promotions kept right on coming." 

Jack let out a sigh, glancing up at Sam, to see the tears once again flowing down her cheeks. "Sam, it'll work, you'll know where the child is, that he's safe and loved.  If you want to be part of his life you can be, or not, whatever you want.  We'll do this through any doctor you want. I'll pay all the expenses. Sam, it'll be no worry for you. Please?" 

Jack was begging, fighting for the life of his child. In his heart, he didn't believe that Sam wanted to end the pregnancy, only that she was in such a panic that she couldn't see a way out.  He'd seen it on missions, where the solution wasn't obvious, that Sam would get fixed on one solution and keep working to make it fit, even after it was apparent that a new plan was needed.

Sam looked up, into the deep brown eyes of her former lover, and very slowly shook her head. "I'm sorry Jack, I can't do it, I just  ...I just don't know." Sam appeared to be confused and uncertain as to what she was doing.  

The nurse called her name and Sam slowly rose.  Jack stood as well and Sam looked at him, tilting her head to one side "where are you going?" she asked "There's no need for you to come with me."

Jack looked into Sam's eyes and played the last card he had. "Sam, I know that I cannot stop you from doing this, if this is what you've decided.  I ask just one thing.  I'd like to hear the baby's heartbeat, just one time.  Then I'll leave, if that's what you really want, you'll never have to see me again." Jack stopped talking; there was nothing left to say.

"Ok" came the quite answer "you can listen to the heartbeat, once. Then you leave and stay away." Jack blinked; he'd won the battle but lost the war.

They entered the doctor's inner office together, both of their sets of eyes straying around the room, wondering what instrument he'd use to end the life growing within Sam's womb. Jack took a seat at Sam's side, taking her hand in his; he whispered to her, "Remember this Sam. I love you. You may not love me, I accept that" his voice stumbled, "but I will always be here to help you regardless of whether you ask for it or not." With that last statement he gave her hand a gentle squeeze and fell silent.

The doctor entered the office, taking his seat at the desk, turning around to face the couple.  Noting the protective stance of the gray haired man towards the pretty blonde woman, the tears in both their eyes, he knew that the information from Janet Fraiser was probably right on the money.  This young woman was in a panic and trying to "cure" the problem as quickly as she could.  

"Ok, Ms. Carter lets see what we've got. I understand you're here to receive abortion counseling." Dr. Brown stated calmly.

"I came for the abortion. I don't need the counseling." Sam stated flatly.

"Ms. Carter, I understand your feeling of urgency. However this is not a decision that you should take lightly, there are no second chances.  I need to be sure you understand all of the implications of your decision." The doctor pressed on, hoping that young woman would listen to his advice.

"Now I want to run a couple of simple tests on you. Check on the age and position of the baby in preparation for the abortion. I also have some pamphlets for you to take with you. They will give you a brief description of how the termination of the fetus is accomplished."  Dr. Brown was laying out the ultra-sound wand, lubricant and fetal heart tone amplifier.

"Ms. Carter if you could lay back and draw you blouse up away from your stomach, I'm just going to attach these leads to your stomach."  A loud sound came through the speaker, a steady thump.

Jack's head slowly came around to stare at Sam's stomach, "is that the baby's heartbeat?  I mean he's really alive in there?"

Dr. Brown smiled, "yes, that's your child's heartbeat. A nice strong steady one, it's just right for a child of about ten weeks of age."  The doctor took a quick look at the mother. She lay perfectly still not moving a muscle, her head turned to one side.

"I have one additional test to complete and then we can set up the appointment, if you wish."  He turned to his instrument tray and gathered the lubricant spreading it liberally across Sam's stomach.  Switching on the wand he pressed the end of it to her stomach, moving it about the area of her belly button.  Suddenly he stopped and smiled.

"What is it doc?" Jack asked, not understanding what was happening.

"Well sir, would you like to see your child?"  Dr. Brown inquired.

"You can do that?" Jack asked in awe.

"Of course, I can. Here look up at the monitor" instructed the doctor.

Jack followed the directions and looking into the monitor, getting a glimpse of his child nestled in his mother's womb.  Jack stared at the baby, feeling the tears slide down his cheeks, and making no effort to wipe them away.  
  


Jack glanced down at Sam, but her eyes were firmly shut. "Doc can you make us a copy of these pictures? Maybe two copies, if it's no trouble." He asked.

"Sure, can I make a couple of copies on CD. You can play them in any computer." said the doctor.

"Thanks." Jack said, thinking that if those pictures didn't change Sam's mind then nothing ever would.

"Ok, Ms. Carter everything looks to be in order.  Here you go; you can use this cloth to wipe your stomach off.  Then make an appointment with my secretary if you still want to go ahead with the procedure." With that the doctor was off to his office to update his files on one Samantha Carter. He also, planned to give his friend Janet Frasier a call, let her know he'd done as much as he could.  As long as Ms. Carter didn't head to one of the same day clinic's in the area, he had perhaps bought them a couple of days which she could use to make an informed decision.

Sam cleaned up and slid off the table, avoiding Jack's eye, striding past him towards the door and freedom. Jack reached out a hand and grasped her arm, "Sam take these things with you. You owe it to our child to at least know what he looked like, and the sound of his heartbeat. Think about him while you're reading the pamphlets on his death."  Sam grabbed the disk and papers from his hand and was gone in a swirl of blonde hair and attitude.

Jack drove slowly, not sure what he was doing or where he was going, until he looked up and recognized the front gate to Cheyenne Mountain.  He went through the sign-in process, wandering down the halls and corridors of the mountain until he ended up at his subconscious destination, General Hammond's office.

He raised his hand, using his knuckles to knock at the door.  "Enter!"  General Hammond commanded. Jack did as he was ordered, coming to attention in front of his commanding officer.

"Jack. What can I do for you?" General Hammond inquired.

For a moment Jack was silent then he drew himself to attention, saluted his commanding officer and said "Sir, I have come to you to turn myself in for conduct unbecoming a senior officer."

"For the remainder of this interview, Jack, the conversation will be off the record." Hammond stated gently.

"No Sir! I formally request it remain on the record." The Colonel stared over Gen. Hammond's left shoulder, his eyes boring a hole into the concrete wall.

"Sorry Colonel, but I'm the man who decides when topics are on or off the record.  I've already made up my mind." the General replied firmly.  After all it wasn't like he didn't know what was coming.  He had turned a deaf ear and a blind eye to the rumors, had been for years.  What he did not know for a FACT he did not have to act on. Privately he was pleased that these two officers had found some happiness together.  Now, however, with a baby on the way, the situation was taking a dangerous turn.

"What's happened Jack? I mean today, to bring you to my office?" Hammond probed gently.  Sam had come to him a couple of days ago, much as Jack now stood before him, to request a stand down from gate travel until a small medical problem could be sorted out.  His gentle questioning had eventually got the truth from her; she was pregnant but had a solution in the works.  He had granted her the stand down, lab work only for thirty days.  As time passed, he had expected a request for a transfer and an announcement of the upcoming birth.  Instead it had been very quiet, which was making him very uneasy. 

For a moment nothing happened, then Jack dropped his gaze to meet the General's, and stated very softly. "She's decided to terminate the pregnancy.  I did everything I could to convince her that we could work it out, but she had already fixed her mind on her solution.  My suggestions meant nothing to her."  He swallowed a couple of times to regain a sense of control. For a man who rarely displayed his true emotions, his feelings were to close to the surface.

"Jack, I'm so sorry. I had hoped we could work out another option for you.  Did this happen today?

"No, the appointment's in a few days time but she's not listening to anyone.  She's just in an out and out panic over this." Jack hung his head. How had he done this to her?  She was the best thing to ever happen to him and he'd hurt her far more than he could imagine.

"Jack, look at me!" the General barked, waiting till he had complied before continuing, "Don't give up, you never know what might happen in those few days.  I'm sure that Dr. Fraiser and Cassie are keeping a close eye on her and perhaps they can talk with her, help her see the options that are available.  If they do, I assure you we can find a solution for the both of you. Why don't you take a couple of weeks off yourself? I think you could use the down time. We'll muddle along without you for a bit. You're dismissed." General Hammond said with a tone that accepted no argument.

"Thank you, Sir." Jack spoke softly.  Then standing to attention he saluted his commander, performed a parade ground perfect about face, and left the office.

General Hammond shook his head sadly; this situation was bound to get worse before it got any better.  Why he wondered did life seem to beat up on the same people day after day?  These two fine officers had already seen their share of tragedy, suffered enough. Where was the harm in allowing them to find some small piece of happiness? Quietly he leaned back in his red leather chair, contemplating the options he had open to him to help them when the time came.

*** Sam's House ***

Sam sat in her living room drained of all emotion.  She had been so angry the whole ride home from the doctor's office; at having to wait even longer to finally put an end to this ordeal.

However, if she was honest with herself, and listened to that little voice in the back of her mind, she was not a hundred percent sure she was doing the right thing.

The sound of her baby, in the doctor's office and, she reminded herself, Jack's child as well, had brought on a tremendous swell of mothers love.  As she had lain on the bed, her head turned towards Jack, she could smell his scent; hear his awe as he spoke with Dr. Brown.

She slowly reached forward for the CD that Jack had forced into her hand, turning it over and over as she thought about the baby growing inside her. 

She retrieved her laptop from the dining room, and set it up on the coffee table. Slipping the CD into the drive on the computer, she waited for it to boot up.  Sam sat on the couch gazing at the images of her child as they slowly passed before her eyes, her ears picking up the thrum of a strong healthy heartbeat.  

She leaned against the cushions at her back, a smile upon her face as she dozed off, dreaming of raising this child with Jack.  The joys and heartaches of raising a family with someone you love, and who loves you.

So, Sam slept on dreaming of a life that might yet be.

She awoke some two hours later. The house was silent, the laptop batteries long since having run out of power.  She smiled a dazzling grin as a new plan began to form in her mind.  The first step was to call Jack in hopes that it wasn't too late to mend a broken heart.

*** Jack's House ***

Jack had returned home from the base, and his conversation with the General, feeling let down.  He was angry and frustrated at not being allowed to help in the decision making process for the fate of his child.  Everywhere he turned someone else was taking control of his life! It's his life too that was being affected, how was it no one seemed to recognized this?  Everyone was so damn concerned with Sam; it's her body, her career her, her, her! His anger spilled out from him as he stood in the kitchen trying to get a meal prepared.  The knife he was using slipped, slicing open his finger.  Blood dripped, unnoticed on to the floor.  Jack took a deep breath, regaining some control; half heartedly he wiped up the counter top and found a band-aid for his finger. Feeling tired and depressed he abandoned his plans for lunch and instead headed up to his roof top to do some thinking and a little planning.

He settled down with a beer thinking, here he was with a two weeks downtime and nothing to do but fret.  Sam had made it very clear that he was not a factor in her life any longer.  She had never loved him with the same all consuming emotion that he had for her; something he had not realized, leaving him feeling so much the fool, a dirty old man lusting after a much younger woman.

Coming to a decision, Jack climbed down from his roof and walked in to the kitchen, his hand resting on the phone.  Finally he picked it up and called the departure number for Peterson AFB, looking for a hop to Minneapolis / St. Paul Airport.  His cabin in Minnesota had always been his refuge when the world overwhelmed him.  He'd head there, since no one here seemed to need him for anything.  The airman on the other end of the line assured him his luck was good, and a flight would be leaving in about two hours.

Moving quickly, Jack grabbed the computer disk from the doctor's office, locked up the house and headed for his truck, everything he needed was already at the cabin except for perishables.  He'd get a rental truck at the airport in MSP and stop for food closer to Lake Rose.

He never heard the ringing phone, as he backed his truck out of the driveway taking his broken heart with him.

Continued in "Soaring Hearts" part 3 


	3. Soaring Hearts

Title: Soaring Hearts 

Author: fulinn28

E-mail: fulinn28@ficwithfins.com

Website: www.ficwithfins.com 

Rating: PG

Pairings: Sam and Jack

Category: Angst and ship

Season: AU

Content Warnings: Contemplation of abortion. No Details.

Summary: Sam's decisions leave a trail of broken hearts.

Spoilers: "A Hundred Days", "Solitudes" and "Children of the Gods", "Matter of Time" and "Cold Lazarus"

Status: part 3 of 3

Sequel / Series: "Broken Hearts", "Mended Hearts" and "Soaring Hearts"

Size: 

Disclaimer: "All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author."

Copyright: (c) 2004 bonnie rose

Authors Notes: All feedback is welcome and will be answered.  Thank you to Su Freund, the best beta I could ask for, this story is so much better for her efforts and suggestions.  All remaining errors are mine and mine alone.

**Chapter 3 Soaring Hearts**

*** Flight to MSP *** 

Jack slept most of the flight time away, emotionally exhausted from dealing with Sam's pregnancy.  He awoke as the pilot announced their landing was less than 15 min away, feeling nowhere near as rested as he expected.  Clearing the arrivals gate he headed for the car rental area, selecting a large SUV for its comfort and versatility. 

The trip to his cabin was another three hours drive after the plane ride; luckily, this time of year it stayed light late. After a stop for gas and groceries, he headed up the winding dirt road to his cabin beside Lake Rose.  This cabin, built by his great grandfather, and handed down through the family, was his refuge.  He had come up here after his imprisonment in Iraq, Charlie's death, and signing his divorce papers. This place, with its peaceful lake and acres of wilderness, allowed him to vent his emotions without witness.  There was no need to be the commander, the man everyone looked to for the answers. Here he was just Jack O'Neill, a simple man.

Opening up the cabin was relatively easy, just prime the water pump and start up the generator.  The cooler would keep the cold food fresh until the refrigerator was cold enough to use.  He grabbed his beer and headed down to the dock, which reached out into the lake, checking that his row boat was still bobbing securely tethered to the cleats.

He grabbed the lawn chair that was hidden inside the boat, and placed it carefully on the end of the dock.  Slowly he leaned back, closing his eyes behind his dark glasses, and sat silently listening to the water lap at the dock and the loons as they called to one and another.

"How could she kill our child?" he murmured to himself "I know that we may share different ideas on the right to life thing, but it's a baby for cryin' out loud! If only she'd looked at those pictures in the doctor's office like I did, she'd know that the little collection of cells was already looking like a human child, our child, his head, arms and legs all there to be seen, if someone would just look."

"Will the baby feel any pain during the abortion?" Jack wondered "will he know that, for some reason, his mother did not want it?"

Jack sighed; the baby would certainly know that its mother had rejected him, but he would never know just how much his father had wanted him.

The sun was finally starting to set as Jack rose and headed up to the cabin, the beer in his hand hardly touched and too warm to drink.  As Jack entered, he could hear his cell phone ringing. Reaching for his jacket he checked the caller ID and, recognizing Sam's home number, he deliberately shut it off.  There was nothing left to say. He had said all he could to convince her that other alternatives existed but, ultimately, it was her choice.

He made himself a simple dinner and settled down in front of the fireplace, dreaming of the life he'd wanted so badly, a wife and family. 

*** Colorado Springs *** 

Sam checked her cell phone once more to see if Jack had returned any of her calls yet.  She had been leaving him messages both on his home answering machine and his cell phone ever since she'd finally stopped her headlong flight into panic and considered all her options.

Yes, it was true that the baby was not coming at a convenient time, but then again, when exactly in this crazy life she led was there ever going to be a right time?  Then there was the fact that she had the most wonderful man in world in her life. Over the last few years he had stood by her through some truly awful things, his support and loyalty never wavering for an instant.  Now, in this last year, those feelings had been allowed to flourish into both an emotional and a physical relationship, one which had now created a child that belonged to them both.

Sam shook her head, as she turned on to Jack's street.  What had she been thinking?  She had deliberately pushed him away, as hard and cruelly as she could.  As only she would be able to, knowing him as well as she did, knowing the things that he worried over in relation to their affair. Well now was the time to fix that, to put it right.  He would surely understand her sense of failure. She had been the one assuring him not to worry about the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. She was on birth control and her medical tests had indicated that she was, in all likelihood, infertile.  

"Well," Sam thought with a shrug "we sure proved that one wrong, I'm as fertile as can be and, apparently, birth control pills are useless for me."

Turning into Jack's driveway, Sam looked around, noticing that his truck was gone.  It always sat in the driveway, as it was too tight a fit in the garage.  Sam looked down at her watch; she'd been trying to reach him all afternoon by phone, where could he be?

Thoughtfully, Sam exited her car, looking through all of the keys on her key ring for the one that would fit his front door.  She paused looking at the ordinary key, remembering how pleased she'd been the day he gave to her. "Just so you can drop by, no need to call or knock, after all you're the only lady in my life." Jack had assured her.

Even with his truck gone, she knocked, not sure if that invitation to stop by anytime still held true.  Receiving no answer, she unlocked the door and let herself in.  The house was cold and silent, no sign of life anywhere.  Walking into the kitchen, a beer can on the counter top caught her attention. She picked it up, noting that it was warm and mostly full. Then, she noticed the blood on the floor and the haphazard look of the counter, a feeling of cold dread settled in her stomach.  

Sam understood that it had been a hard week on everyone. All of her friends had demonstrated an enormous amount of understanding and support for her.  However, it had perhaps been hardest on Jack. Had he been given that same level of support?  He had probably gotten next to none, considering she had never acknowledged him as the father, although everyone probably assumed it.  In fact, for the most part, she had been quite vindictive towards him.  

As she moved from room to room, her worry began multiplying in direct proportion to the length of time since she'd last seen him.  He wasn't upset enough by this to do something stupid was he? Retire to some off-world planet, volunteer for a firing squad, or… oh god, he wouldn't try to take his own life would he?  He had descended to the black dark place in his heart once before, had been broken by the loss of his child, and here he thought it was going to happen again. Sam became consumed by the need to find him, to know that he was safe.

After exploring the house and finding nothing, she called Daniel, Janet and, finally, General Hammond.  None of them had heard from Jack in the last couple of days, except for the General who had granted him two weeks leave.  However, Jack had not mentioned leaving the area.

*** Jack's Cabin *** 

As the sun came up over the lake, Jake woke up, his body full of aches and pains from a night spent on the couch.  He lay there rubbing his forehead, a sure sign of a headache, and sighed, feeling an irrational anger bubbling up to the surface. How dare she do this to him!  She had stolen all his control, as surely as if she had put him in a prison cell. Sam. Sam was supposed to have been the one person in his life who loved him! Who would protect him, stand beside him to face all the crap life can throw at you.  And what happens? She's the cause for one of the worse things to ever happen to him, the loss of another child.

Jack stood abruptly, heading into a small den off the living room. Although he'd been hiking in these mountains his entire life, he took nothing for granted and always took emergency supplies with him into the wilderness. He began filling his pack, checking that the emergency blanket, rations and water were all carefully stowed inside.  He picked up the photos from the drug store of the baby, placing them in his shirt pocket; he had special plans for them.

He stalked, with long strides, across the living room, heading for the front door. As he approached the door his cell phone caught his eye. Screw'em, he thought nobody gave a damn about him.  He was just good for cleaning up the mess.  Whenever a crisis arose, who did they all come to for help, from Daniel on up to the Supreme Commander of the Asgard fleet?  Him, that's who, but when his life took a nose dive and started to crumble around him, where were they? Nowhere in sight that's for sure!

He started his hike by heading north to where a good sized stream emptied into the lake.  Once he reached the juncture, he paused to eat a granola bar, and take a long pull of water from his canteen.

Heading upstream, Jack continued to hike for another two hours, heading for a place that only one other person had ever seen with him, Charlie. It had always been their secret place; it had a waterfall and a quiet pool just full of fish.  Despite what his team thought of him, he was a perfectly capable fisherman.  The lake and streams around his cabin were full of yellow perch, pike and sunfish.  Since he didn't need all the fish he caught, he threw the majority of them back into the lake.  After all, it was the act of fishing that he enjoyed not catching the fish themselves.  His team could never be bothered to accept his invitations to join him here at his cabin, his refuge that he had so generously tried to share with them, the only family he had left.  The only one who had ever accepted the invitation had been Teal'c, who had not enjoyed his only foray into the great American wilderness.

*** Jack's House *** 

As the morning dawned, the friends gathered in Jack's living room, all of them concerned for their friend's state of mind.  They searched throughout the house for some hint of where he might be.  Jack had now been missing for over twenty four hours. They checked all of the surrounding areas or places that they could think of, with no luck.

Mid morning found, the friends once more at Jack's home. Sam called the General reporting their failure to find Jack.  General Hammond informed Sam that he had called the Minnesota State Patrol to request they check Jack's cabin for any sign that he was there.  The patrol could not guarantee when they'd be able to get out there, they would try to do so today.  The General assured the team that he would call as soon as he heard anything.  By late afternoon there was still no word and the General joined SG-1 at Jack's for a planning session and early dinner.

The General's cell phone rang while the group was trying to eat their Chinese takeout meal.  They all stared at the General as he took the call, nodding his head and thanking the caller for their help.  Disconnecting from the call, the General turned to the waiting team and sadly shook his head. Jack's truck had not been at the cabin and the front door had been locked.  The patrolman had left a note requesting Jack to contact either the MN State Patrol or General Hammond. Another dead end; Jack O'Neill had disappeared.

Sam sat in the armchair in his living room, her eyes full of tears as she thought of him, alone and depressed, thinking that there was no one who cared about him.  Subconsciously she had been holding her stomach protectively, realizing somewhere in the back of her mind that a small piece of Jack O'Neill was alive and well, and growing inside her.

The silent friends sat in the living room, wondering what to do next.  It was the youngest member of the group who suddenly got up and ran into the kitchen.  Janet got up to follow her daughter, thinking that all of the stress between learning of Sam's pregnancy, and now Jack's disappearance, had simply overwhelmed her.  Instead, Janet found Cassie with the phone in her hand, dialing *69 which would redial the last number called. This call would have been made by Jack, since all of the team members had been using their cell phones.

Janet watched as Cassie began speaking to someone, asking them if they'd seen a Col. O'Neill, only to see her getting annoyed with the answers she was getting.  Finally Cassie asked the person on the other end to hold for just a moment and asked her mom to get General Hammond.  Immediately Janet called for the General to join them.  As he did, the rest of the team trailed in behind him.  Cassie handed the phone to the General explaining what she had done in redialing the phone.  She informed the General that she had reached the departure desk at Peterson AFB but could get no further information.

Immediately the General took over the call, speaking with the airman on duty, he quickly checked his records for an outbound flight with one Col. Jack O'Neill on board.  Within moments the answer came back; Jack had been on a flight to MSP early yesterday afternoon.  The flight had landed on time, without incident.  The General thanked him and hung up, a grin on his face.  They had a starting place.  Each of Jack's friends quickly got on their cell phones looking up phone numbers for the car rental agencies at MSP, finally reaching Hertz to find that yes, Col. O'Neill had picked up his rental SUV right on time, and the vehicle was due back in ten days.

The next flight to MSP was early tomorrow morning and Sam had every intention of being on board. She was the one who had hurt him deeply, so she was the one who had to make amends.

Everyone chose to remain at Jack's that night feeling closer to him than if they had headed home. Only the General chose to go home, leaving strict instructions for Sam to contact him the moment she had any information to offer.

The house finally settled down, as everyone found a place to sleep. By silent decision, Sam was left with the master bedroom.  As she lay in the dark, unable to sleep in this bed alone, a soft tapping was heard at the door. "Come in" she responded curious to know who was still up.

Carefully from around the partially open door, Daniel poked his head in "Sam, gotta minute?" he inquired. 

"Sure, Daniel come on in." Sam responded to his quite request.

Hesitantly, Daniel entered the room. Taking a seat on the bed, he pushed his glasses up onto his nose.  "Sam, I think I should go with you to find Jack."  Sam immediately sat up voicing her doubts "No Daniel this problem is between Jack and I and needs to solved only between us." She stated firmly.

"I understand that, Sam, I do.  However, let's acknowledge the facts here.  We both know that Jack threatened his own life after the loss of Charlie.  As far as he knows, you have decided that he's not going to get a chance with this child either.  I hope with all my heart that I'm wrong, but there's a chance you won't like what you find up at the cabin.  I think you'll need to have someone along with you, just in case.  If I'm wrong, and he's ok, then we back off and let you settle up with him. If I'm right, then we'll be there to help you."

Sam had to admit that Daniel's argument made sense, all but one small detail. "Uh, Daniel, I know you tried to slip this in without me noticing, but it didn't work.  Somehow it changed from just you to you and someone coming with me.  Who else thinks they should come with us?" Sam asked concerned about who else might see Jack at this low point in his life. 

"Just Janet, Sam, we think it would be wise to have a doctor along with us, someone who knows Jack's history and is very discreet."  Daniel paused trying to gauge Sam's response.

"Fine, I can see the logic. Be ready at 0500. There's no way I'm missing this flight!" Sam stated with a firm, no nonsense tone of voice.

"Sam, take heart. I know it wasn't an easy journey for you to get to this point, but I think you're doing the right thing.  You and Jack, you belong together."  Daniels heartfelt confession almost brought Sam to tears again.

"Thank you, Daniel.  You don't know how much your support and understanding means to me.  I know I haven't been the easiest person to be around lately, but it'll get better, I'm sure of it."  Sam's sad smile touched Daniel and he gave her a gentle hug before heading back to tell Janet they would be accompanying Sam in the morning.  Cassie would be staying with friends, despite her arguments that she wanted to accompany the adults to Jacks cabin.

*** The Waterfall *** 

Jack arrived at the Waterfall late in the afternoon, feeling pleasantly tired from the three hour hike.  When he and Charlie had come up here together, he had had to carry him for a good portion of the hike until he had grown strong enough to walk the whole way.

He sat beside the pool of water, staring in to its depths.  Although he was still quite angry with his team, the hike had afforded him time to understand that they had really meant him no harm.  His heart ached as though broken, for he had not only lost his child but Sam as well. He had misread the whole affair.  To him it had been the start of a life long love affair, but for her it had just been a passing moment in her young life.  She clearly desired no ties to him.  Jack sighed, having learned long ago to pack away his pain and live with the things he could not change. Opening his day pack, he pulled out a stack of pictures from the doctor's CD, and sat in the warm sunlight studying the photos.

After a time, he looked up into the sky, clearing his throat he began to speak.

"Hey, Charlie its dad, I know it's been a while since I had the time to hike up here and chat with you, but something has come up.  I really need your help. You see, another child of mine has probably died today or maybe tomorrow.  I'm hoping, if you and I go over these pictures of him, maybe somehow you'll recognize him and can kinda help take care of him.  I know it's a lot to ask of you, but this little one has no one to watch over him and that's what big brothers are for, to show younger brothers or maybe a sister, the ropes." 

Silence fell as Jack stopped speaking, and vowed to himself this would be the last time that he cried for this lost child of his. In his heart, he believed that Charlie would be there to watch over his sibling.  The breeze picked up, causing the pool to ripple in the sunlight, as Jack painstakingly went over each picture, carefully outlining each feature of the infant in the photos he held so tenderly in his hands.  Time slipped passed Jack as he became lost in the past, mixing up in his mind the joys of Charlie's birth and the pictures of this as yet unborn child.

Eventually, he came back to himself, recognizing that it was much too late to start back to the cabin.  Jack gathered a supply of wood, lighting a fire to heat a purloined MRE from his day pack.  

Jack finished his meal, meticulously picking up his trash.  He tucked the photos away in his shirt pocket, close to his heart.  Stretching out his long frame on the ground beside his campfire, his emergency blanket covering him, he dropped into a deep comforted sleep. 

*** Flight to MSP ***

Morning found the friends gathered together once more at the departure lounge of Peterson AFB waiting for their hop to MSP.  Sam had continued calling Jack's cell phone, getting no answer, and leaving messages.  This message would be the last as she had filled his voice mail with messages begging him to call her or, if not her, than any of their friends. No one had heard a thing.

Their flight was called and the four friends boarded, hoping for a pleasant outcome, but preparing for the worst.  Upon arriving at the MSP they quickly secured a rental car and headed north.  They had included Teal'c at the last minute, when he had pointed out to them that he was the only one who knew where the Colonel's cabin was.  Although Lake Rose would be fairly easy to find, the cabin itself was very secluded.  Three hours later they were turning onto a winding dirt road.

*** Jack's Cabin ***

Through a break in the trees, a cabin came into view, setting back from the waters edge, surrounded by lawn and tall trees.  The porch sported a swing and a couple of rocking chairs. Picture windows fronted out for a lakeside view.  They parked in front of a small shed, looking around. Sam's heart sank; Jack's truck was no where in sight.

As they approached the front door, they saw a post-it note stuck to a pane of glass; the note requested one Jack O'Neill to contact the MN State Patrol or a General Hammond USAF.  So, apparently, Jack had not been here since the patrolman had done a check late yesterday.

"Come on Jack" Sam pleaded silently, "Where are you?"

"Now what" Daniel asked looking around at the small group.  Each shook their heads in dismay.

"Colonel O'Neill is here." Their Jaffa friend stated.  All of his friends turned to look at him.

"How's that Teal'c?" Sam asked, confused by his statement when everything pointed to just the opposite.

"His truck is indeed here, it is parked behind the out building in a small garage." Teal'c looked pleased with himself at the discovery.

"Ok, then." Sam declared "we need to gain entrance into the house." 

With that statement, Teal'c strode past his teammates up the porch steps stopping at the front door.  He turned the door handle once and found it locked.  Taking a couple of steps back, he kicked the door once near the handle breaking the door jam, allowing the door to swing open.  "I believe we have gained entrance to the house" Teal'c stated without any change to his usual calm demeanor.

Hesitantly, the team entered the front door, noting Jack's cell phone lying on the table by the front door. "Well," Daniel observed "guess that explains why Jack didn't answer his phone; its lying here on a table.  Question is, where's Jack?" 

Slowly, they drifted through the house checking to be sure that Jack was not lying somewhere, hurt or worse.  As Sam entered the kitchen, she noticed a beer can on the counter and remembered one just like it back in Colorado Springs, warm and essentially untouched. 

*** Jack Waterfall ***

Jack woke, as the sun finally got high enough to shine into his little protected glen.  He rose stiffly; he was way too old to be sleeping on the ground, out in the open with basically no gear. Carefully, he stretched out his muscles, gently twisting from side to side.  Finally, feeling loose enough to really move, he double checked that the fire was safely out, no glowing coals that could re-ignite.  Policing the area, and finding that he had left nothing behind, he began his long walk back to the cabin.  

Although Jack felt more at peace with himself, he still was no closer to finding a solution for what his next step should be.  He did not feel that he could continue to work as Sam's commanding officer, so he would need to transfer away from SG-1.  Once again, he would be without a family or friends.  He'd stay here at his cabin until his leave was up, then it would be time to sit down with General Hammond and reach an understanding.  Perhaps, the Asgard would like a full time ambassador or maybe the Alpha site was ready for a full time commander.  In the mean time, he'd spend his time here, recovering from the grief for this lost soul and for the end of his dream of having a wife and family again.

He walked on through the forest putting one foot in front of the other until he finally approached his destination. Looking up at the cabin, he thought how nice a hot shower would feel after yesterday and today, when he spied an unexpected car parked in front.  Slowing his step, he melted into the tree line, studying the situation. Eventually he was able to reach the side of the house, sliding around in front of the porch and noting the broken front door.  Thieves were not unheard of out here, in the more isolated areas of the lake, so he approached with great caution.  Silently, he entered the house and, seeing movement in the kitchen, paused.  Bit by bit the person in his kitchen turned towards him, he recognized the blonde hair and shimmering blue eyes immediately.  

Sam shivered, the hair on the back of her neck standing up as she gradually turned around facing the front door, and Jack O'Neill.

"Hey" Sam said softly to him.  She watched him closely, noting that as casually as he leaned against the damaged door jam; he gave off dangerous 'Stay away from me' vibes.

What nerve! That she could come out here to his cabin, now after all his invitations.  Why? Did she want to gloat, turn the knife just a little bit more! Well no way was he going to let her destroy the last good thing he had, his cabin refuge.  He stared at her through his dark glasses, saying nothing.  Angry with him self that her one word greeting could still make his heart beat just that little bit faster.

He straightened up and, glaring at her from behind his dark glasses, shouting at her "Get the hell out of my house! I'll send ya the bill for the front door."

"Jack, thank god you're ok!" Sam breathed out her sense of relief at seeing him safe and sound. "Please just let me explain."

"Explain?" Jack asked incredulously "You and I have said everything there is to say.  I took care of the expenses for your little 'Operation' and I've got nothing left to say to you."  His breathing was shallow and too fast, "Go home Major, you don't need to be concerned with me. I've still got some leave and then I'll get a new assignment, leave you to your peaceful life."  With that last statement all but spat out at her, Jack turned on his heels and left, almost running in his haste to get away from her.

Sam stood in the kitchen doorway, stunned by his outburst. She heard someone clear their throat from the direction of the bedrooms.

"Em, guess we found him huh?" Daniel inquired with a slight smirk. "Sam, you didn't really think he'd just open his arms and take you back did you?"

Big blue eyes blinked in confusion as Sam thought to herself "how stupid can I be? That's exactly what I thought he'd do what I wanted him to do."

She turned to see Daniel, Janet and Teal'c all standing in the hall, looking at her with great expectation.  "Well, I guess it's up to me, huh?" She turned to Daniel, tossing him the car keys "In case I don't survive my next meeting with Jack O'Neill." she said ruefully.

Sam walked out on to the porch, looking around for where Jack might have gone.  If, in fact, he didn't want to see her, than this was going to doubly hard, for he could be hiding anywhere and she'd never be able to find him.  To her great relief she spied him easily enough sitting on the end of the dock, dangling his feet in the lake.

With some trepidation, she approached; making enough noise that she would not startle him with her appearance.  Gently she settled down beside him, almost close enough to touch shoulders. 

"So" she said softly looking out over the lake. "I came to find you because I was terrified to be without you, to not know if you were ok." Sam started to explain to the silent stony faced man sitting beside her. "I want to ask one thing of you, and then if you want me to, I'll leave." No response was forthcoming from the man at the end of the dock.

"Back a few days ago, you asked me for one favor. To let you hear the heartbeat of our baby.  I did that for you, now I'm asking you for one favor."  Sam waited with bated breath; if this didn't work then she didn't know what she'd do, for this was already plan B.

"Fine!" came Jacks terse reply "what?"

"Let me have your hand." Sam requested.

"Why?"  Jack replied guardedly.

"Please just trust me, one last time, that's all I'm asking." Pleaded Sam, trying to see Jack's eyes hidden behind his sunglasses.

"Ok, here." and he thrust his left hand at her.

Quickly, before he could change his mind, Sam grasped his hand guiding it under her shirt to rest on her warm stomach.

Jack jerked in response to the feel of her warm silky skin beneath his fingertips. However Sam held fast to his hand "No Jack, leave it there. You see in a few months, you'll be able to feel our child moving within me.  If he's anything like his dad, he'll be kicking up a storm and demanding to be let out early!!"

To Sam's disappointment Jack didn't do anything; he didn't move or speak. Sam twisted slightly reaching up to remove his dark glasses. Looking into those dark brown eyes, she was sure that he had heard her. 

Jack looked down at the water swirling around the dock, "I don't know if I can just let you back in to my life. You can't just dangle the child in front of me, one day you love him and me and the next you don't." He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry Sam; I just don't know what to do now.  I still care for you, but in one day you took everything I loved and crushed it."

"Jack, I was so afraid that I lashed out at the person closest to me.  Unfortunately for you, you were that person.  I'm so sorry for what I said to you.  I knew just what to say to hurt you. Jack, all those things I said, I said them to drive you away. The truth is, I love you more than anyone in my life.  I can't imagine trying to raise this child without you. I don't want to. I want you there for 0300 feedings, diaper changes, first day of kindergarten and all the other firsts in his life. Please Jack, even if I've ruined your love for me, please don't tell me that I've destroyed your love for your child."

Jack fell silent, looking out over the lake with an unfocused gaze.  Thinking that he was done talking with her for now, Sam attempted to stand and head for the cabin.

"I spent yesterday and last night with Charlie" Jack said, so quietly that it didn't really even qualify as a whisper. 

Smoothly, Sam sat back down beside Jack, taking his hand in hers, "Tell me about it." She invited, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"I had a dream," Jack whispered "of you and I walking down this dock, a little boy with his mother's giggle swinging between us."

Gently, Jack let his head come to rest against Sam's entwining their hands and futures together.

End 


End file.
